Words cannot describe the feelings I have felt over the last week. Probably the best way to describe it is by simply saying I have been carried spiritually. I was able to do some things I never felt I would be capable of. On Thursday night I was a little taken back at the number of people who came to visit the mortuary, but on Friday as we arrived at the church early for some family pictures, I couldn't help but notice the overflow chairs set up in the chapel. I thought to my self, I think they went over board. When I stood at the podium to share my thoughts about Tanner over the last 6 Months, To my surprise the seats were filled. Talk about overwhelming. To think that Tanner had affected that many people. It was a wonderful 2 days. And an amazing tribute to Tanner.
As I pondered over the last days, I can't help but think how truly blessed we have been. We were able to spend 7 hours with Tanner when he was still aware and with us. He was not in pain and he had made his decision to accept the inevitable. What a comfort it is to know he is finally at peace and will not have to endure pain any longer. The other blessing That has occurred to me is we live 1 block from the cemetary. We can visit at will and remember what an amazing example he was.
It is hard to believe it has been six month's since this latest trial began. It had began to be normal to spend life as a single parent and have phone conversations with Kristi regarding everyday matters. I cannot describe how it feels to be together again. However there is this huge hole in my heart that just aches from the emptiness. I cannot describe what it felt like to walk out of the hospital the last time, to make that drive home and to sit at the dinner table with an empty chair next to me.
Yesterday, Alex (Tanners best friend and adopted son) came with me to clean out our apartment is SLC. I went back to PCMC to return a book to Andrews mom (It was simply and excuse to visit). It was a little difficult to enter due to the memories.
Andrew is in the same room as Tanner was. We had a great visit and couldn't help but feel the presence of Kim and Tanner watching over him.
When I checked the blog of Ashly Duke yesterday morning, My heart jumped as I read she was going to get the transplant she so desperately needed. It was scheduled for yesterday. As I checked last night for updates, things seemed to be going well. Her Heart had stopped twice and they were able to revive her both times. But as they were close to being finished It stopped once again and finally this evening we we received confirmation that she did pass away. It is so sad that it took this long to get her to this point, only to be to weak to compete the transplant. I know the lord will bless the Duke family, they are amazingly strong, but still doesn't make it any easier
Thank you for all the prayers and support that has been extended to my family over the last weeks.
Love
Robert
Robert,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for letting us all know about Ashley. Tanner was an inspiration to all he touched. I am not surprised how full the church was. Thank you for updating us on how you are feeling. You are amazing parents.
Tabitha
Robert and Kristi,
ReplyDeleteToday I went out to Providence Cemetery to visit my son's grave, as I usually do on Sundays. I noticed as I neared his grave, that there was a new burial not too far away. When I saw the big L, my heart sank because I knew it had to be another child. When I approached the beautiful display of red flowers, the red ribbons of LHS, and the gorgeous picture of Tanner, the tears came. In seconds my heart was hammering and I knew all too well what Tanners family was feeling today. There are no words to describe that heartache and pain. I also felt angry that I hadn't known about you and your story.
I came home and looked up all information I could find about Tanner. How could all of this be happening just a few blocks from my home and I never knew about it? Surely, there were fundraisers, events that supported Tanner. When I found the facebook page for Tanner, his smile was familiar to me. The family picture, all your faces were as if I had met you before. I couldn't place it.
Hours later, out of nowhere, there were flashes of photos go through my mind. One in particular. Marcus, my son, in 2008 went to HAFB for the Pilot for a day program. I have one photo of Marcus with 2 other taller boys. One was a boy named Jared who had a brain tumor and the other... was TANNER!! The connection was perfectly clear. When I looked at the photos, I recognized you all. I couldn't believe it. I have pictures of Marcus and Tanner together, as you may have as well. The thought came to me that they are together again. Marcus passed away just a few short months after those photos were taken. Just let me say that we have been blessed with testimonials of Marcus's work on the other side. He is serving the mission he always wanted to serve. Just as I know that Tanner will be serving, working miracles.
What I wanted to say is; my husband, John, and I know that the road ahead is unknown, and even painful for you to think about right now. Just know that if you need anything, we are just right here in providence. We still take it one day at a time. That hole in our heart hasn't healed, but we are learning to live with it there.
You are in our hearts,thoughts and prayers.
Karen Russell
(fb: Karen Taylor Russell)
email: lagorda67@comcast.net
www.carepages.com (marcusrussell)
Robert, I really really enjoyed every word that was spoken during Tanner's funeral. It was such a beautiful experience and I'm sure that Tanner was happy for everything that was said. I just couldn't hold back the tears thinking about how hard it is, but at the same time, rejoicing in the fact that Tanner is so worthy and such a good example to us all. Thank you for all of your kindnesses towards our family. I am eternally grateful for the friends we have made through Erin's AML. Our experiences with your family and all the other AML families will forever remain etched on my heart.
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