I think I've decided that Sundays are the hardest days. I think it's because we stop from our crazy week and just enjoy the spirit of the day, the lessons we learned, the renewing of covenants, but most of all a spiritual connection between Heaven and Earth, the things we believe, and the things we hope for, the dreams we hold onto and the people we love. All of these are what I hold close to my heart. During the week these are all part of my daily life, but on Sundays is when I tend to listen a little closer, love a little deeper, and hold out for hope stronger. Sundays are my hardest days but also the healing days..
Today we attended two sacrament meetings. The first was to our old ward where one of Tanner's good friends was having his mission farewell, I knew this would be hard but I also knew that Alex needed our family's support. I sometimes have to remember that I'm not the only one that is hurting. They have shared our joys and our heartaches as our families have grown up together. This was a day I have longed for with Tanner, When he was about 10 I found a book that is called "mommy do I have to serve a mission". It's about a little boy who was afraid to leave his mom. I gave this to Tanner with a letter written on the first page from his mom, Telling him of his strengths and courage and that Heavenly Father would never leave him alone, and that his mother would always be close.(I have kept my word, he never leaves my heart). I think of his mission he is now serving and I couldn't be more proud of the young man he is, serving his mission on the other side. Alex I am so proud of you, serve well.
The next sacrament was at our own ward. We received a new bishopric today. Though I am grateful for the new bishopric ( they will be awesome), I am saddened at the release of our passed leaders. I can't begin to tell you of the love that I have for these three men. Our dear Bishop Bingham was a source of strength comfort, encouragement to us as we faced our trial. Weekly he would visit Tanner and I in Salt Lake, aways with a message or challenge for us to work on during the week knowing he would be back to receive a report. First visiting with Tanner, then with me as we walk out. He was not there just to see Tanner, but he was there for me, making sure Tanner's mom was ok too. I will never forget what he has done for our family. His counselors were the same, always there when blessing were needed, for someone to talk too, or a prayer to be said, so grateful for there time and love.
Tanner We love and miss you
Kristi
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Quotes
These Quotes were on Tanner's computer, thought we would share them with you.
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
The truth is, if you ask me to choose between winning the Tour de France and cancer, I would choose cancer. Odd as it sounds, I would rather have the title of cancer survivor than winner of the Tour, because of what it has done for me as a human being, a man, a husband, a son, and a father.
-Lance Armstrong
"Knowledge is power, community is strength and positive attitude is everything"
— Lance Armstrong
"I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education.
— Lance Armstrong
Its never as bad as it seems, except when its worse
Never argue about War with a German, love with a Frenchmen, Food with an Italian, or Death with a cancer patient.
Sometimes fear can be an extremely powerful motivator.
You can over come anything. death, disease, love and hate. Sometimes independence isn't just about being alone its about finding yourself.
sometimes the road of life takes you strait through hell, you can break my body but you’ll never break my soul. we will win this fight and bury this sorrow, maybe tonight maybe tomorrow, so we'll LIVESTRONG
its always darkest just before the dawn,
so stay awake with me lets prove them wrong
Do you care to be the layer of the bricks that seal your fate?
(The bricks that seal your fate)
Or would you rather be the architect of what we might create?
LOVE MY SON!!
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
The truth is, if you ask me to choose between winning the Tour de France and cancer, I would choose cancer. Odd as it sounds, I would rather have the title of cancer survivor than winner of the Tour, because of what it has done for me as a human being, a man, a husband, a son, and a father.
-Lance Armstrong
"Knowledge is power, community is strength and positive attitude is everything"
— Lance Armstrong
"I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education.
— Lance Armstrong
Its never as bad as it seems, except when its worse
Never argue about War with a German, love with a Frenchmen, Food with an Italian, or Death with a cancer patient.
Sometimes fear can be an extremely powerful motivator.
You can over come anything. death, disease, love and hate. Sometimes independence isn't just about being alone its about finding yourself.
sometimes the road of life takes you strait through hell, you can break my body but you’ll never break my soul. we will win this fight and bury this sorrow, maybe tonight maybe tomorrow, so we'll LIVESTRONG
its always darkest just before the dawn,
so stay awake with me lets prove them wrong
Do you care to be the layer of the bricks that seal your fate?
(The bricks that seal your fate)
Or would you rather be the architect of what we might create?
LOVE MY SON!!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Memories
My dear friends,
I am trying to work up the courage to start Tanner's memory book. We have received many cards and thoughts regarding Tanner's strenght and courage, and what an over all amazing young man he is. If you would like to say a final good bye to Tanner, I would love to have this to put in his book. We have received much comfort from your kind words of Tanner. I believe this book will be a great source of comfort for us in the many years to come.
You can post here,
My email is rkstksmith@yahoo.com.
My home address:
743 River Heights Blvd
River Heights Ut
84321
Thank you for your continued support
Love Kristi
I am trying to work up the courage to start Tanner's memory book. We have received many cards and thoughts regarding Tanner's strenght and courage, and what an over all amazing young man he is. If you would like to say a final good bye to Tanner, I would love to have this to put in his book. We have received much comfort from your kind words of Tanner. I believe this book will be a great source of comfort for us in the many years to come.
You can post here,
My email is rkstksmith@yahoo.com.
My home address:
743 River Heights Blvd
River Heights Ut
84321
Thank you for your continued support
Love Kristi
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Tender Mercies
I had the opportunity to go to girls camp this last week. I love girls camp expecially when there are trailers, showers, and clean bathrooms. And of course a great cook. We went to Beaver Mountain this year and the girls stayed in the yurt, (large solid teepee looking thing.)Being in the mountains has always been on of my favorite places to be, but there was a special peace I felt this time, it was quite emotional at times, and so reverant others.
Sometimes my emotions are so raw that even thinking brings back so much hurt. As you all know at girls camp there is a special night at which we have a testimony meeting. I had been thinking about this night for a while and wondered how I would ever get through it. I even asked a couple of the leaders if I really needed to share my testimony this time. But as it began I had this overwelming, and I mean overwelming feeling that I need to share some sacred experiences we have had with Tanner. I remember thinking, Lord if I stand would you please help me. That moment I was on my feet sharing some tender mercies given to our family. As I was sharing, my sweet Kaley began to cry, harder than I had seen in some time, an I realized my testimony was a way for her to release her saddness, she felt safe, peaceful and loved, I needed to give her the gate to open those feelings, how grateful I was that i listened to those promptings. Later Kaley shared her testimony of her last goodbye to her brother, what a tender experience for me. She is so precious to me.
Then on Saturday was the curesearch walk in salt lake. This was the first year for this event, and i wanted to go but knew it would be hard. But with the support on family, we went. I was barely in the park when a dear friend greeted me with a wonderful hug, we cried together and held each other, with her sweet baby girl. So happy she is doing well, and feeling my loss at the same time. Many others greeted us with hugs and tears, as they shared there feelings about Tanner, each was the message of Tanner's kindness and strenght. With many saying they will never forget Tanner, What a tender mercy. Then my friend grabed my arm and took me to the front of the stage area, they were releasing white balloons for the children we had lost this year. I was handed a balloon. With a moment of silence we released our balloon, and she held me as we cried together. I was so grateful to have that experience.
So as you can tell it has been a very busy. emontional week, but I am so grateful for the tender experiences that were given to me. So grateful my Heaven Father, knows just what i need when i need it.
Thank you for your continued prayers for our family.
Love to all
Kristi
Sometimes my emotions are so raw that even thinking brings back so much hurt. As you all know at girls camp there is a special night at which we have a testimony meeting. I had been thinking about this night for a while and wondered how I would ever get through it. I even asked a couple of the leaders if I really needed to share my testimony this time. But as it began I had this overwelming, and I mean overwelming feeling that I need to share some sacred experiences we have had with Tanner. I remember thinking, Lord if I stand would you please help me. That moment I was on my feet sharing some tender mercies given to our family. As I was sharing, my sweet Kaley began to cry, harder than I had seen in some time, an I realized my testimony was a way for her to release her saddness, she felt safe, peaceful and loved, I needed to give her the gate to open those feelings, how grateful I was that i listened to those promptings. Later Kaley shared her testimony of her last goodbye to her brother, what a tender experience for me. She is so precious to me.
Then on Saturday was the curesearch walk in salt lake. This was the first year for this event, and i wanted to go but knew it would be hard. But with the support on family, we went. I was barely in the park when a dear friend greeted me with a wonderful hug, we cried together and held each other, with her sweet baby girl. So happy she is doing well, and feeling my loss at the same time. Many others greeted us with hugs and tears, as they shared there feelings about Tanner, each was the message of Tanner's kindness and strenght. With many saying they will never forget Tanner, What a tender mercy. Then my friend grabed my arm and took me to the front of the stage area, they were releasing white balloons for the children we had lost this year. I was handed a balloon. With a moment of silence we released our balloon, and she held me as we cried together. I was so grateful to have that experience.
So as you can tell it has been a very busy. emontional week, but I am so grateful for the tender experiences that were given to me. So grateful my Heaven Father, knows just what i need when i need it.
Thank you for your continued prayers for our family.
Love to all
Kristi
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