finally a plan!

Well as i said in my last post i try to update when we get new news. well today we finally have a plan! (kind of) my doc this morning came in and to my suprise said he had been in contact with the bone marrow team here overseeing my transplant. they have set some dates that they are shooting for but are still pretty tenative. but, as of right now things are as follows: may 10 or 11th will be my next bone marrow aspirate to make sure we are seeing none or a very minimal amount of diseased cells. assuming (and praying) thats what they find they will start the "conditioning" round of chemo to completely wipe out any existing marrow to make room for the transplant on the 17th of may, and the transplant itself is scheduled for the 23rd. happy birthday kaley!

so thats what we know right now, its possible and likely some of that will change though. as for going home.... that varies depending on what doc you ask but my gut feeling tells me thats not too promising. its absolutely critical i keep free of infection between now and transplant so depending on what my counts and immune system look like will be the deciding factor on that. however after 5 intense rounds of chemo there is a possibility that my immune system has been too damaged and wont recover. if thats the case then i definately wont be seeing home anytime soon. as frustrating and scary as that sounds, after going through a relapse a month ago i am willing to sacrifice a week at home to prevent that and get on with the transplant sooner. in the long run thats 7 days sooner we can get back to normal life.

in other news after a month of being here we finally made our way to the "penthouse" of the ICS here. a much bigger room, including a couch for the parents to stretch out on instead of the lovely chair/bed/cot in previous rooms. sarcasm aside, it is definately nice to be able to stretch out a little more.

lastly, so many thank yous are in order i dont even know where to begin. i guess all the visitors over the last few weeks! we have had lots and its definately been nice to see everyone! to the mclungs for the balloons, very much appreciated! i wont say too much about the fundraiser because it would take all night to write my thoughts and appreciation to each and every person involved with that. i am still in disbelief about it all so a BIG thank you to everyone! you are all amazing!!

so its really nice to have a game plan now. it really helps to have things to look forward to instead of sitting here day after day wondering about everything i just talked about. in turn i think the mood and spirits of myself and those around have definately been lifted today!

- tanner

tanner slide show

WOW!!! What a party!!!

I don't ever know where to begin,. I thing I'll start with a BIG THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
To Cathie Thunell Family, your vision of this night was far bigger that any of us could imagine,your tireless hours of labor on our behalf will be one of the best memories of our life, you have cried with me and celebrated the joys with us, wrapped us in warm blankets made with love and helped secure a place comfortable to live while away from home, thank you for that gift. You are and example of the what Christ like service is, thank you!
To Sean and Diane Kartchner and family, this would not have been possible without all the flyer's and publicity, and auction items you worked so hard on, the designs were perfect for Tanner, you did so much, to put Tanner's story out there and we are so grateful people got to see what an amazing person Tanner is. Not to mention Sean and his desire to raise money for Tanner, having his own jar, which he promised to shave his head if he raised $500.00 dollars, it was not part of the bargain to shave it publicly but with a little peer pressure, OK alot! he didn't have much choice. Sure was fun for me I haven't shaved a head in a long time. Thank you!
To Geoff and Peggy Smith and family, The slide show was just what Tanner wanted, up beat and fun, thanks for helping with the raffle and organizing all the volunteers. Tanner enjoyed watching it through skype, it was a great thing for him to see how many people are supporting him.
To Janet Wood and family, what a group you are, so much fun,you helped so much with the food and entertainment, both were a huge success, watching you was a highlight of the night for me. Playing music chairs, selling treats and candy stripers, I think everyone was entertained.Thank you!!!!!
To the Mascots, thank you for making the night so much fun, it was important to our family that this night be fun, you definitely made that happen. We know your time is so busy, and for you to come to support Tanner was awesome. you guys are the best!!
To the Volunteers, this would not have been possible without you, truly we are so grateful for your service.
To the bands and cheer teams, thank you, thank you, thank you, we loved that you were apart of this for Tanner.
To the Coppermill, thank you for the Delicious meal, and your support of Robert and our family.
To those who donated items thank you for your generously, we hope your life is blessed because of your unselfishness.
I am sure I have missed so many people, and I'm sorry, but please know we love you and are so grateful for your serves to our family.
But most of all THANK YOU to those who came to support our family, we felt so much love that night. It was once said that as we are by Tanner's side, you are by ours, we feel that to be true. There is no possible way to endure this trial without the love and support of those who surround us.
As this evening was planned, our request was that those coming received a good meal and that it was a fun night, we feel both were accomplished, we hope you did too.
To my family, I love you so much, you are my strenght and my shoulder to cry on, and my treasure in life.

Tanner was able to watch most of this event, the Internet is very slow here at the hospital, so we were happy to know this whole evening was video taped. Tanner will be able to watch the whole evening as often as he wants, me too.

Once again thank you so much, we are sustained through your prayers and love, I know this is true, and know where our blessings come from, as hard as it is to understand we know we are blessed!
Love to all
Kristi

{ Rally for Tanner }

Hey Everybody!

We are gearing up for Tanner's Fundraiser coming up on Monday. This event is going to be amazing! The men and women who put this event together have worked so hard.

PLEASE come to support Tanner!

The event will be held on Monday April 25, 2011 from 5:30pm - 7:30pm at the Logan Rec Center. Tickets are $10 for Adults, $6 for Children 10 and younger or a family of 6 for $50. The raffle tickets are $1 each of or 6 for $5

Here are some things to look forward to:

*A fantastic Delicious Dinner catered by the Coppermill. They will be serving Paprika Chicken and Au-gratin Potatoes. There will also be Dinner Rolls and Brownies.... YUM!!!

* A Silent Auction and Raffle! There are so many AWESOME items! You have to come to believe everything that was so generously donated! A few of items include; Ipad 2, fleece blankets, baby blankets, hair bows, Utah Blaze items, Utah Jazz items, Utah States shirts, Lotoja Items, Beanies and Scarfs, Pepperidge Farm Gift Baskets and Gift Cards and Certificates. There are so many things that I didn't mention. We counted everything up and the grand total was 125 items (Just for the Silent Auction)!!!

* A Spectacular Pep Rally! We have commitments from Big Blue, Torch from the Utah Blaze,Wolverine and Mini Wolverine from UVU, Swoop from U of U, Grizzbee from Utah Grizzlies, Little Bear from Utah Jazz and Grizzwald. Maybe even more may come. There will be fun games involving the Mascots and the audience. The MORE people there is the more FUN it will be!

* This event will be viewed live by Tanner while he is at Primary Childrens Medical Center

I hope this makes you as excited as we all are! Tickets are still available! Try to get the purchased tomorrow so we can get a good head count for the Dinner. A limited amount of tickets will be available at the door.

Please go tohttp://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e3jpi06m76dd8b5c&llr=bmtkhgdab to purchase tickets.

We appreciate all your love and support! We hope to see you there!

post round 5

well i guess its about time i update my own blog for once since probably december! i know im bad and as my mother tells me "people like to hear from me" and i guess that could be true but i feel like i never really have much to say... so when i dont update thats really why is its kinda like we are always waiting for more news to tell but when we get that something else pops up so i wait to post and it turns ito a big long chain of holding if off. (if that makes sense)

i will back up a few weeks to when we readmitted this last time for round four of chemo. being home for too long ended up backfiring on us and i had a relapse. they were to use a new sort of still experemental drug that ended up giving me the worst side effect ive had to date but absotuley nothing to the cancer. thats right round 4 was absolutely useless. so as soon as i recovered enough for another round, this last one they went back to the old guns that worked the first time. which was this last week.

so being up to date those of you following my progress know that last week definately had a few rough days. thursday in particular we barely managed to escape the ICU. didnt want to lose my corner room with a view i guess! friday came a complete turn around, i was mentally with it and everything was stable. another of lifes miracles i guess...

as for my current state, the big question of "how are you feeling?" i feel pretty good overall. as to be expected though the last few days ive been as low on energy as i can ever remember. to the point that im literaly exhausted to walk across the room. im also another 6 pounds lighter. i guess that explains things. losing all the weight is extremely frustrating because even with a normal appetite i just cant seem to get it back. let alone right now when about all i can stomach is a jamba juice. hopefully within a week or so ill be back at my normal eating and activity. we have been clearance to actually leave the room with neccecary precautions. which is about the most exiting thing we have heard in a while! if only i could make it down the hall without collapsing. oh well, in time i guess.

im done with my rambling now and i think that covers the last little while up to current! thanks for all you do!

-tanner

And now for the rest of the story

I arrived at the hospital last night at around 8:00. I was met in the entry area by Scott who has been here with his daughter since last August and we chatted for a bit and talked of the events of the last days. As I entered the ICS unit I was greeted by a familiar face and again the same scenario. Then finally proceeded to his coveted quiet corner room with a view. I visited with his nurse outside of his room. I have come to the conclusion that he has gained a bit of a following with the staff and other families here. I attended church services here, as usual today and the topic was of the music and speaker was Faith. With this in mind I want to share some thoughts, both personal and those which have been shared with me over the last few days. Late Thursday morning I received a call from Kristi indicating that she needed me to come to the hospital asap. I didn't ask for details just basics. I took care of the matter at hand and arrived 3 hours later. Due to the fact that Tanner had been on increasing doses of pain meds due to Mucositis (mouth sores), it was beginning to cause unintended issues. The critical matter at hand was that he was beginning to build up fluid in his lungs. This seldom has a good resolution. That morning it was anticipated he would be transferred to ICU. When I arrived his doctor was in his room and informed me he had made huge improvements in the few hours since giving him meds to force his kidneys to work to force excess fluids from his body. So for the time being he was not moved to ICU. But the other concerning thing to us was the fact he was hallucinating, was agitated and not wanting to leave his oxygen on. One observation I had was that he looked far better than when I last saw him Monday night. He had had his pain meds removed in the morning and indicated that he didn't have any pain. But his mental status was reminiscent of my mom who had suffered a stroke 6 years ago. His speech was not coherent and talked of things that were not real. But did know what was happening and who was here. Shawn and Shayna also came down and Shawn assisted me in administering to him. I felt an amazing presence in his room and the words that were said were not mine. When I finished I questioned in my mind the words I spoke, but since they were not my words, I felt a calm assurance that things would be OK. I soon left to drive back home as Kaley was still in Logan due to a Field trip she had gone on. The next morning Kristi call me and shared the events of a dream she had had. This had confirmed the words spoken in his blessing the day before. When she arrived at the hospital that morning, she found Tanner to be nearly 100 per cent normal mental status. Lets just say I don't think this was a coincidence. In thinking about the events of the last week and talking with numerous staff members I have come to the following conclusion. He was being attended to by My mother and his mental status was her way of letting me know she was present. Almost his every action from pulling and picking at his fingers and removing his oxygen to the speech were an exact memory I have of her condition. Also Kristi had told me of an incident of he was trying to reach for something on his tray table. It was out of reach so he used his foot to get it. When the nurse complimented him on his ingenuity he simply responded "It was good enough for who it is for". This was a phrase used by my Dad who passed away 5 years ago. This comment is not something he would say on his own. So as I talked about last week, The patients here are indeed watched over by angels and he did have some help to recover as he did. It was said to me at least 5 times last night and this morning that his recovery was nothing short of a miracle!!!!!!!! As I said earlier the theme of meeting this morning was Faith. when I got back to his room I went to the church website and searched for the Address of elder Oaks address last year of healing of the sick and the power of faith when administering to the sick. He talked of the fact that it doesn't matter the words spoken simply the fact that the person have "Faith". It is such a simple thing, and also the first principle of the gospel.



I will finish with this statement from Pres. Monson as it was quoted this morning. "Fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith"


I hope these thoughts make a bit of sense, as I am not a writer. Thanks for all yours concern, thoughts, prayers and FAITH. Love to all Robert

A better day

Good morning, We finally have a bit of good news to share, Tanner is feeling a bit better. Chemo is done and he is off all pain meds. Still on nausea meds but I would be too. As my sweet husband explained, we have had a few VERY hard days. It was truly the scariest day of my life on Thursday. Tanner was retaining fluids and it was affecting his lungs, then he wasn't getting enough oxygen, with hallucinations and a bit sassy. The doctors worked the whole day to keep him out if the ICU. Shayna and Shawn came down as we gave Tanner a blessing. What peace that brings to a place of worry and confusion. Our nurses are always fantastic and give the best care, we are so grateful for them. So now we continue to pray for the chemo to be a success, we won't know for maybe two weeks. We need a miracle! Thank you so much for your prayers and messages of love, we feel sustained and lifted to endure another day because of you. Kristi

1 step forward and 5 steps back

Things do not seem to be progressing in a timely manner or positive manner for all that goes. As Kristi explained yesterday he has been on a whole myriad of different meds to try and counteract all the negatives going on. Today he began to collect fluid in his lungs which is absolutely not good. Kristi called me and a ran down to salt lake. in the 3 hours since she notified me he was given a drug to force his kidneys to work harder and it had made a big difference with just one dose. He was spared a move to ICU, so we will wait and hope and pray, and maybe he will have something go his way. Needless to say it has been a difficult last few weeks and I think were about due for something positive to happen. Words cannot describe the knowledge of the concern for our family. And To say thank you seems to be inadequate, just know that we do feel the support and prayers daily!!!!!!! Robert

Day four of chemo

Just when you think it's got to get better, the mouth sores show up, and if he has mouth sores you know that his whole system is in bad shape as well. And yes it is as bad as you think, maybe ever worse. Tanner is on oxygen, nausea meds, a pain pump, antibiotics, chemo, heart medicine, platlets, and blood transfusions, and a med to help reduce the water he is retaining. Sometime the kids has got to catch a break! But for the most part he is not aware what is going on, he can here conversations, and know what meds he needs but he can't tell you what just happened, which is what I'm counting on, remembering nothing. Thanks to my dear friend Gina, who put Tanner's name in 50 Temples, how amazing is that!!! The blessings are sure to come our way. And to our dear friends who are over the fundraiser, WE LOVE YOU. We know how hard you have worked to pull this off, thank you! What a blessing you are in our lives. To my sisters thank you for the much needed break, it was so good to have family here with me. Thank you to our ward, we love being with you, your prayers and fasting has blessed us with much need strenght, thank you. So many more to say thank you too, please, please know that we know of you and are so grateful for you. Love to all Kristi

Random Thoughts for April 10

Finally we have a little bit of sun happening here. I has snowed in Logan for the past 3 days. As you well know by now Tanner has begun yet another round of Chemo since the last one 2 weeks ago was ineffective. This one will be for 6 days, we don't know how he will react to it but the problem right now is the effects from 2 weeks ago are now beginning to manifest in the way of swollen gums and the like. Thankfully he has a friend named Dilaudid. This will take care of most of the pain for a few hours. And he was just informed he was going to get a PCA pump for constant relief. (Dont worry about him being in video game mode and continually pushing the button, it has a lock out mode so he cant be over medicated) He has continued to take the attack and conquer approach. I had the opportunity to attend sacrament meeting here this morning, It was the usual spiritual meeting, but we had a second speaker in that if Elder Kent Richards. He reminded us he had spoken in the Saturday morning session of conference last week, and elaborated further on the experience he touched on of the 13 year old girl who had underwent a 13 hour surgery to remove a tumor from her spine. while recovering in the ICU after surgery she proceeded to tell her father in detail of the numerous people in the room with them. (Who were all her deceased family members. She then went on to tell her dad that all of the patients at the hospital had angels attending to them. Elder Richards went into a little bit more detail in the fact that this had occurred the day before conference of Friday last week. He reminded us that the Savior is not a silent observer. He himself knows personally and infinitely. I came back and looked the full talk up on lds.org. It was a pretty powerful message. I was able to on Friday night go visit Kim's family at the mortuary. I cannot even begin the express the feeling present there that night in that room. As I recall the conversations, other blog posts etc. the one constant description present in all the thoughts was that of the love the family exudes. I had to work on Saturday but was able to see Kristi before I left for SLC. She told me about the funeral program, and that the main speaker was Ben who is part of the staff who took care of Kim. This is not suprising to me at all, Just another confirmation of the amazing staff here at PCMC. Last week I had the occasion to visit with a longtime associate and friend, the conversation turned to the fundraiser that is being planned on our behalf. He pointed out to me that there is no way for any one to offer any kind of service if there is no one to receive it. This statement really made me think. You cannot be a giver if there are no receivers. Some times we just have to step back, accept let the Lord bless you. On Friday, I again was visiting with a family friend, (somehow I have been inundated with much needed visits) and shared this quote with me, (Here is the gist of it) "Sometimes our Father in Heaven calms the storm, and Sometimes he calms the soul while the storm rages on". I think this is a good description of the last 2 weeks. The storm still continues to rage but I am a bit more calm due to the selfless acts of kindness of others!!!!!!!! And one last thought for some reason I have been reminded of a poem that was shared with us 3 years ago. I tried to find it on the Internet and this one is pretty close.

WHAT CANCER CANNOT D0

Author Unknown

Cancer is so limited

It cannot cripple love

It cannot shatter hope

It cannot corrode faith

It cannot eat away peace

It cannot destroy confidence

It cannot kill friendship

It cannot shut out memories

It cannot silence courage

It cannot reduce eternal life

It cannot quench the spirit

Thanks for the comments and words of encouragement!!!!!!!

Robert

Here we go...Again.

Over the last few days, Tanner had more tests done to see if the last Chemo treatment worked in killing the Cancer Cells. Mom and Tanner found out this morning that the treatment did not work. Tanner will undergo yet another round of Chemo. They will start tonight (I think). This one will last 6 days, and he will have to stay in the hospital for at least 6 weeks. (Tanner says that "We'll See...") Mom said he is so Strong and Positive about everything. (I told her that one of us had to be...)

At this time we could use more prayers than ever!

Also Tanner checks this blog a lot, please leave any words of Love, encouragement, etc...They really help us pull through this hard time. We love you all!

April 4

I have had so many thoughts I don't know where to begin. Tanner was able to get a room with a view of the valley. The weather has been interesting to say the least. He spent some time Friday night on the 3rd floor patio since the weather was warm and then Sunday morning I drove in snow passing some cars with 8+inches of snow on them. On the drive down on Saturday night. I witnessed a crash on the other side of the freeway, It was almost like slow motion. I saw a car hit the barrier and debris come over it and it took a second to realize what was happening. Then I looked in the mirror and saw the car spinning across the 4 lanes of traffic. I never did hear on the news what the outcome was but it made me think. As you are traveling 80 miles and hour what can happen and how will I react??? With the events of the last week with Tanner being so sick and the passing of Kim, It made me realize, that we are here but a short time, and sometimes there are circumstances beyond our control. As I came into the ICS Saturday night, I couldn't help but feel comfort in the familiarity of it all, the faces of the staff were the same, and was greeted as if I were an old friend returning home. Before I could get to Tanners room I was asked how he was today and if he was doing better. I never cease to be amazed at the staff and the bond they develop with patients and families. I wanted to share an observation a made today. As you know there is nothing more difficult than to have a child who is sick and there is nothing you can do to help them, simply sit at their bedside and be there with them. Last Sunday I was planning on spending Sunday and Monday with Tanner. His first chemo treatment was Sunday morning and he became extremely sick very fast, Kristi informed me that she was not going to leave, but would stay with him. Only a MOM could understand this. The second hardest thing I have had to experience is the separation of our family for extended periods of time. While we may talk and text several times during the day, Lets face it there is noting like a genuine hug when we may be having a difficult time. Today as I was visiting with a parent while doing laundry, it occurred to me what my sweet wife does while she is here with tanner. She is the one that others look to for strength. As I visit with these other parents it is oblivious that not only is she here to be a Mom to Tanner but as a support to others who are struggling just as we are. Take a moment and reread her last post, which was a tribute to Kim, and you will see what i mean. Tanner is doing great since he finished treatment in Thursday, of course this is all relative. He has been eating good, hopefully his recovery will be uneventful and he can move on to the next phase . As always The fasting and prayers on his and my families behalf are needed, welcomed and appreciated. I hope my thoughts made sense. Robert

This is Kim, absolutely BEAUTIFUL

In memory of Kim

Yesterday, was a day never to be forgotten, our sweet Kim left this world and returned to her Father in Heaven. I had the treasured experience to sit with her mom Julie shortly after Kim slipped into a coma. The love that filled her room was unmeasurable, the sweet spirit of peace was present as the nursing staff came one by one to say their goodbye to Kim, many that were not working came and spent the day here just to honor Kim, it was beautiful, as is Kim. One of our other AML mom's came in, as we surrounded Kim we felt blessed to share a bond that will never be lost. We are the mom's of AML, as hard as it is, sometimes we get to experience feelings not of this world, because of the way Kim lived her life we got to experience a peace of heaven. As her family arrived it was easy to see why Kim was the way she was, this family has strength beyond measure, in their time of sorrow they opened the door, allowing us to say our good bye to Kim. She is free from pain, Kim we love you and are so grateful for your example. To Julie, I love you, thank you for sharing this experience with me, you have strengthened my faith by watching you. Your dedication to Kim inspired me to do better and be better, thank you. To Emily, Kim loves you so much, find your comfort and peace from the love you shared. To Dave and Mike, thank you for giving Tanner a blessing, it was such a tender moment, thank you. Our family will pray that peace will be in your hearts, we love you Kristi