ITS NOT GOODBYE

This is an amazing Video that Sam Tyler, whom we previously were neighbors to, Wrote and composed in memory of Kim Nelson and our Tanner. She left on Wednesday to enter the MTC to serve her mission in the Washington DC mission. Sam was devastated when Kim left us one year ago today. She began to think about her future plans and what she needed to do. Then just 6 short weeks later Tanner left this world also. I think it was about this time she had decided that she would serve a mission. I remember talking to her at Logan Highs homecoming parade last fall. She was excited to let us hear this song she had wrote for Tanner and Kim. But last fall Kristi and I just didn't want to relive the pain that was still so fresh and still on our minds daily. So we basically kept putting her off. She emailed the lyrics and I thought to myself , Ok that's nice but I don't want to think about this. Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago. Wendy (Sam's mom) called Kristi and told her she and Sam needed to come over to visit. We we just assumed that it was just a pre-mission leaving visit. When I invited them in, Sam had her guitar with her. Then I remembered about the song and figured it out. We had a great visit then Sam informed us that we HAD to hear this song before she left. Well it has now been 10 months since Tanner has been gone and it is easier in some ways. As I sat and listened to her play and sing this song she wrote. I was had this overwhelming feeling that we needed to get this out for others to hear. I called an old neighbor down the street from Sam who does wedding videos as a side business and ask him to film it. Sam got it to me the day before she left to the MTC. I hope you feel as Kristi and I did of the powerful impact that these lyric have and that it is truly not goodbye.

As I mentioned earlier March 31 marks 1 year since Kim Nelson passed away. My memory of her is that she had a deep love for her Savior. I remember being in next door with Tanner and she was having a video party around valentines day last year. She was pretty sick at the time as I was following her progress but she wouldn't let her illness stop her from enjoying visits from friends. That is just the way Kim is, just so thoughtful of others.

Things with family are good and we are trying to put some things together to raise awareness for childhood cancer at some summer events here in Logan in additions for some retail sales at the store. I am learning about the world of retail and packaging. I might add a bit frustrating but in the end it should be well worthwhile.

If I could ask, please post some comments of what you think or feel of the video that I might share with Sam and her family.

Forever Strong

Robert

Same Question Different Answer

It has been several weeks since I shared any thoughts here in this site. There has been alot happen since the new year. And I can honestly say it is all good. What some of you know and most probably do not is that I started a new job the end of January. Yes indeed after almost 16 years and after giving my first ever 2 week notice a began a new adventure at Lees Marketplace here in Logan. It is an amazing environment and has some of the greatest people on their management team you could ever dream about. I am managing the Deli and it is great. I now have a home life and wish I could have done this 5 years ago. I simply decided it was time to move on due to the extreme amount of time I was spending at work and not at home. On any given week it was getting to be normal to spend a minimum of 60 hours a week and there was not going to be any relief from this schedule any time soon.

This is the same store that Tanner had been working at prior to his last diagnosis. It has been interesting to hear the comments from some of those who saw him on a regular basis. Last week I was told of how when a lady in the bakery would restock the donuts every morning, she would feel Tanners presence and turn around but he would not be there.

I wish I could explain how wonderful it is to have made this change and be part of such an incredible company and team.

Last week we received an e-mail from Elder Tyler who in serving in South America. This is an excerpt of the letter.

" Here in my new new sector i met this lady. She is a member and she is going through a really hard time right now. Actually their whole family is. About two months ago their 18 yr old son died of Cancer. Leukemia. And they are having a really hard time right now cause the ward isn't exactly very uplifting. I told them that i had my best friend die from the same thing almost a year ago and i have said everything that i can say but they still wont come back to church. When i first heard what happened i immediately thought of the strongest family in the world. I wanted to ask you guys what you have done and what you are still doing to overcome Tanners death. If you could give me some ideas that i could use to help them it would be awesome."

Kristi asked me how should we respond but prefaced the question with "remember he is in a 3rd world country type area and it is not like we have it here.
I thought about it and had no idea how to respond. I told her I would think about it and put something together in a couple of days. She told me to read what she had already written. With her permission I would like to share this with you.



Dear Elder Tyler,
So many emotions are going through my mind and heart right now. I can since your concern for this family. I wish I had the magic words to make the pain go away but this is the best I can do. Please share this with them if you feel it is appropriate;

Dear Family,
From the other side of the world, my heart aches with yours. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. Even as I write I long to find the words that will help ease your pain, so I pray that what I have to say may help you find peace.
I too lost my son to this horrible disease know as cancer, leukemia, the same as your son, I know the heartache of watching your child suffer, the heartache of saying goodbye, and the heartache of longing to see them again. The heartache of being a mother and watching them take their first breath and their last. As a mother my heart aches with yours. It has been 10 months since my son passed away, I still cry, I still long to see him again, but I want you to know, there is peace. There is a place of comfort. In time there comes a feeling of gratitude, gratitude for the gift of being the mothers of such special spirits, they were chosen and accepted the call to teach love, compassion, faith, honor, service and charity. They passed. We were chosen to help them become all of these wonderful things.
And now we are left to pick up the pieces, we press forward with faith, we honor their names by continuing to follow the example they have set. We find ways to honor our sons, kind deeds, serving others, and sharing our testimony of our Saviors love.
Sometimes people don't know what to say or do to help us, so we assume they don't care, but that is untrue, they care, they just don't know how to share it, so we teach like our son's, taught, with compassion, faith and love. I believe that is part of our mission We share what we have learned from our own journey. So I want to share with you what I have learned:
First and foremost that my Heaven Father loves me, he loves me so much that he trusted me with one of his most precious sons. He trusted me that I would do my best to raise a young man of honor.
Second I have learned that my Savior Jesus Christ didn't just suffer for my sins but he suffered every heartache and hurt that I would have to endure, he did this because he loves me, he know the trials I would have to endure and he knew I would need his help, so he suffered so he would know what to do to help me, what a great love that is.
Third I have learned how important my own Testimony is.
Is it strong enough to hold me up when I can no longer stand? Now I can say yes, I want you to know how grateful I am for my testimony, my faith in our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ is what has gotten me through some of my hardest days. I know that Joseph Smith restored this Gospel to the earth I know that we have a prophet today that leads and guides this church, I know that he receives revelation for us today, and I KNOW that my son is in a glorious place, serving, teaching and happy. What joy this brings to my heart. And I know that one day I will see him again and that day will be above all others, that will be my greatest day. To see my son serving our God and our Savior, what joy this brings my soul.

Forth, I have learned that through trials we become refined. We are humbled, and turn to our Heavenly Father for help, that is how we learn. In the most difficult times in my life is when I have grown the most. My heart is softened to receive these teachings.

I pray that in time you will find where your place of comfort is, I pray that it will be in our Saviors arms, and in his fold, reach out to others and let them help you, they may not know how to or what to say, teach them, serve them and your sorrow will be softened, I know this to be true. I will pray for your family and please know that your Heavenly Father is very aware of your sorrow and pain, he has felt it too. Please trust in him, he is the only way to peace.



After I finished reading this I told her I did not need to add anything to it. She shared everything so perfectly. I can only hope that she will get to read this (tranlated of course) and that it may be of help to them.

So I titled this post "Same Question Different Answer". Even after 9 months, there are still tears and emptiness and heartache of losing Tanner. But things are GOOD. We have been strenghted by our trials and this experience. I am looking forward to the future. I have been able to work on some possibilities for fundraising for Curesearch thought the store I just need to work on the final details (which are numerous) to finalize the project.


FOREVER STRONG

Robert