Going to bed last night was a welcome event after my day of emotions. Writing the blog last night help to vocalize my feelings, and put them in some kind of order. As I prayed last night for a little more understanding, and comfort, I drifted off to sleep.
"The Dream" began as Tanner and I were on our way to Salt Lake to visit our friends in Primary Children's Hospital, and go the Curesearch walk. We entered the hospital to the welcoming arms of the Nurses we haven't seen for a while, we enjoyed our visits, then off to visit the kids, when a nurse noticed Tanner was not feeling so well, he had a fever, yes admitted again, replaying the same events that were so familiar to us. Put in a room with a beautiful view of the outside world, children playing, families together, and the sun shining. Tanner lay in his bed watching. As I started frantically looking for a hotel to stay in. He was back, but not in the way I wanted him to be, he entered into his diseased body, his isolated room,only to watch the view from a window. This is not what I have wanted, and I began to feel a joy that Tanner was free, free from diseased body, free from an inside view only. He did this for me, to help me understand how happy he is, how blessed we are to have a body, but some of them are not perfect. He his healthy.
I woke up happy to have spent a little time with him in my dream, but filled with joy to know he no longer is limited in what he can accomplish, his possibilities are endless, as is our family. We are forever-strong
Kristi
That is beautiful Kristi. Isn't it incredible the unexpected ways that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. Thinking of you,
ReplyDeleteBrandi
Your words are incredibly moving and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I needed that understanding too.
ReplyDeleteYour last two posts have brought tears to my eyes. I never met Tanner, but it is clear from the blog and from meeting you that he is a special boy. I was having a hard day on Sunday and one thought kept coming into my mind--that Jesus loves the little children. I guess Tanner wasn't too little anymore, but I know He loves us all, no matter what our age.
ReplyDeleteKristi--
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing family you are! As I would read Tanner's posts, there was a spiritual maturity beyond his years. I always thought what an amazing missionary he would be...and he is!
Thanks for sharing your beautiful experience with us! The Lord truly showers us with His tender mercies as we endure our trials. I think of Tanner and Kim often and wonder why Rachel was blessed to stay with us awhile longer. Please know that we love you! We pray for you always!
Thank you for sharing your inner-most personal experiences! As I read about the "dream" and the struggles you had the night before, I was truly touched and know that Tanner is free and happy and that Heavenly Father loves you and your family so much and is aware of what you are going through!
ReplyDeleteAmen to what has been shared in the thoughts above. Been thinking about you all lately and want you to know we love you all. It's hard to live in this col-da-sac especially in the summer and not think of Tanner! Someone wrote in sidewalk chalk "Tanner, Forever Strong" just the other day.
ReplyDeleteI only met Tanner twice as I usually spend the nights at the hospital while Amanda gets day duty, however; I can only say how much I admire Tanner and your family.Even as I write this note, the tears flow easily as I recalled the spirit Tanner possessed. I want to say how much Tanner touched me and even though our time was brief his influence was profound.Amanda I pray for peace for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteCory Wright(Tim's Dad)
Thank you so much for sharing this Kristi. I know from the peace that you felt that Tanner was surely with you and I know that he is attending to you and your family frequently. I think of Tanner and all of you so often and know you are not forgotten. I was looking through my cell phone photos the other day and saw a picture of Tanner with his candy cane IV pole. Then I saw the Ralley for Tanner flyer and remembered what a fun evening that was. His orange wrist band is on my rear view mirror along with Kim's green and Chaz's red bands. It is my inspiration rainbow of amazing young people who have blessed my life so much. I love you all. Even though it hurts so much, the key is to get up each day and be functional. Stay close to the Lord and realize the tender mercies you have been given. Keep plugging!! Love, Carol
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful blessing. So thankful you got to experience that!
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